May. 2021; It’s just a ride

Growing up as a teenager in the far-from-glamorous council flat estates of South London, in a time before the internet, smart phones, and live streamers, we enjoyed often far simpler forms of personal entertainment. When the weather was bearable, which as anybody who has visited London will tell you is a rare thing, we went out and did outside stuff. Played football in car parks and dented the cars. Rode bikes and did wheelies and slammed our trainers on the back wheel to do skids. Hung around in wanna-be gang groups and swore and talked about girls breasts. Normal things for teenage boys. But when the weather was rubbish (often) we had to stay in and make our own entertainment. Back then the British TV had only 4 channels, filled mainly with soap operas, antique programs and cheesy smiling game show hosts, and so most times that wasn’t much of an option. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a ravenous appetite for reading so that killed many thousands of hours. You could also go to the video shop and rent a movie, but there was two problems with that; One is that this was a time before movie trailers being available so abundantly. Back then you might have to read a movie review in the paper, or maybe catch a few seconds glimpse on some TV show promoting it. And so to blindly just rent a movie often meant you were watching a total lemon. And two, renting movies cost money. And because of two, you had to choose very carefully. Some genres were pretty much guaranteed to be alright, or at least good enough to justify the cost. I used to love martial arts movies, action movies with Arnie and Sly and Jackie punching and shooting their way out of trouble. I used to like horror movies too, but then being a fan of horror fiction I found the books much scarier than the screen versions. But one thing I never really took much to was comedies. I’m still the same to this day. I know most people love comedies, but I’m truly not one of them. Problem is, I don’t actually find most comedies very funny. I generally find them forced and over acted and trying to be funny, but not achieving it to me. But, what I’ve always loved, as far back as I can remember, is stand up comedy. Oh yes sir.

Maybe it’s just my outlook, but in my mind I remember reaching an age where British comedians just stopped ticking the boxes for me, and American comedians completely stole my attention. The mildly chuckle-enducing comics of the UK (the Two Ronnies, Jasper Carrot, Jim Davidson, Monty Python, Les Dawson and so on) seemed to lose their mostly-innocent appeal almost overnight, after I rented some ‘all-star stand up video compilation’ on black stand ups. I guess I was about 12 or 13. Upon watching this, my view of comedy changed completely. I was young, and of course I didn’t understand a lot of the American cultural references, but I cried laughing from start to finish. This new breed of comedians seemed bold, naughty, downright rude and unafraid to say it how it was. They swore incessantly and made fun of everyone, blacks and whites and jews and Asians and I couldn’t get enough of it. To this day, Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy are still my true icons of stand up. As I grew and tastes changed I discovered more and more amazing stand up comedians, but the one that I still consider number one is one very average looking white guy called Bill Hicks. I somehow saw one 30-minute video of his show, and my opinion, my views on the world, were changed. This was a guy that openly talked about doing drugs, the joys of smoking and drunk driving, (and eventually quitting all three,) as well as his passion for sniping at the politics of the day. Add to this he was incredibly intelligent, and although he died at the peak of his career at the too-soon age of 32, his routines are still held in the utmost regard. But unlike my former heroes of comedy, he delivered endless lines in hilarious shows, without making any racist, sexist or homophobic jokes at all. He was loud and proud and considered as extremely offensive by some, but he never had to stoop to the low-hanging fruit. The word genius should be reserved for few, but he was one.

I mention the late great Bill Hicks as he would often end his comedy routine with a speech about life, and how, deep down, it was all “just a ride.” He would say how the ride goes up and goes down, how powers that be control us and force us into circumstances and situations we would all rather not be in. But, not to take life too seriously, because hey, it’s just a ride. I’ve kept those words tucked away in my mind for well over 25 years, kind of like a personal mantra. When things are good, don’t take it all too seriously. Stay humble. And when things are bad, hey, it’s just a ride. When you’re at the bottom the only way is up, and up you will eventually go, if you try hard enough. It’s funny how life can be such smooth sailing for a long, sweet time, and then a storm kicks in from out of nowhere and life is dragging you down through the fathoms to Davy Jones locker. But, as Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” My own life has been tested on some rough seas this last week, and I’ve noticed a few things along the way.

Several days ago I got my appointment for the first vaccination injection. Now I don’t mind needles or injections, I’m not scared of the vaccine or side effects or all the other stuff people seem to be groaning about. But as previously mentioned, I seriously do not like trips to the hospital. Thankfully my vaccination wasn’t actually in the hospital itself, but a nearby science research place, I guess to ease the strain on the already busy hospital. I got up to the second floor, and was greeted by nothing less than a roaring cacophony of noise. Three lines of queueing people, each line well over 100 meters long, in a narrow, sweltering hot corridor. And as we all know, as temperatures rise, so do tempers. People were shouting, pushing, arguing, tutting, sweating. The security guard at the front ushered me to a much smaller line reserved for Hong Kong residents and foreigners. Within a second of being asked to join this shorter queue, some large middle aged man starts shouting, near screaming, at the guard about “fuc**ng foreigners” and “fuc**ng Hong Kong people” blah blah blah. This tirade of abuse lasted until I got into the main reception area. At the front of the queue, where the guard was letting people in slowly to keep the inside area organized and not too overcrowded, I was disgusted by what I witnessed. Several people at the front of the queue were pushing, yelling, verbally abusing the guard to let them in. Two older ladies were literally trying to force their way past him, squeeze under his arms and run past him, and he was doing his best to keep them back. But the worst thing, the thing that made me so incredibly angry, was the old, white, fat guy who decided he was clearly lord of all he surveyed. He appeared on the second floor with a much younger Chinese lady, perhaps his assistant or perhaps his (very unfortunate) lover or wife. He strutted his flabby old carcass up to the security guard and showed his bar code thing we all had ready on our phones for our appointment. The security guy very politely asked him to join our queue. He turned away, and loudly announced to his accompanying young lady “I’m not queueing with these idiots,” and also tried to force his way past the guard not once, but twice. Now as I’ve said many times, as a visitor to another country you are immediately, by choice or not, acting as an ambassador for that country. But the thing is, here in China most people don’t differentiate between Americans, British, Canadians or the such, we are just “foreigners.” To all the people there that witnessed this, they won’t be thinking to themselves “wow that guy is an asshole,” and they won’t be thinking “that guy with a North-American accent is an asshole.” No, they’ll be thinking “that foreigner is an asshole.” Hello, yes, I’m a foreigner too, yet I wouldn’t dream of ever acting that way. But those people will have a lasting impression from that day about foreigners, and not a good one. People like this man make me feel absolutely ashamed. These are the kinds of people we really do not need in China. Unfortunately, when giving out visas they don’t assess your personality. (But they really should.)

Once inside the main (thankfully air conditioned) reception area, we we asked to fill out some forms and make the payment. What was so astonishingly impressive though was the pure politeness, helpfulness, kindness and consideration of the people helping there. And to top it all off, they were all volunteers. I have no idea how they managed to keep themselves so courteous and respectful, seeing as they were spending their whole day dealing with endless numbers of (some) bloody awful people, but they did. And they did it while smiling and saying please and thank you. These people, the volunteers and the security guys there, are true heroes to me. When I was in that queue, which must have only been for 15 or 20 minutes, I witnessed abuse, both verbal and physical, racism, prejudice, aggression, selfishness, people nervous and hot and angry and all feeling they they are the most important person on the face of the earth. Imagine facing that all. Day. Long. I salute you, kind volunteers and helpful security guards. You are to be fully respected.

But anyway, I got the shot, was told to wait for 30 minutes to make sure I felt alright, then merrily went about my day. Back again in a few weeks for part 2, I can’t wait. But to return back to being a hero, what does that actually mean? It’s clear that in times of crisis, nervousness or desperation, people all too clearly show their true colours of self preservation. We’ve seen too much of it this past 18 months. People turning against Wuhan people in China, then people turning against Asian people in other parts of the world. Terrible acts and terrible behaviour from terrible people. But it’s just basic, human, primal nature. Save yourself. Put yourself first and screw the rest. And then you read stories like I read on the same day I got my vaccination shot. Marathon runners in Baiyin, Gansu province, were hit by the most disastrous weather conditions, and 21 people lost their lives. An absolute tragedy. But, 6 other people lived to tell the tale, thanks to the totally selfless act of a shepherd who heard their cries for help. He put his feelings of self preservation aside, and ventured out to bring those 6 individuals back into the cave he was himself sheltering in. He could have died, could have lost his bearings and lost his way back to the cave, but that wasn’t on his mind. Saving other peoples lives was. On the same day I witnessed the horrendous behaviour of some people, and then read about the absolutely courageous behaviour of another. We live in a world of contrast. We have light and we have darkness. We have good people and we have bad people. We have good times and we have bad times.

To wind things up, my own life here is being tested with some rough seas this week. I won’t go in to too much detail, but many people are being faced with having to leave China through visa renewal issues. I’m hopeful things will work out ok for me personally, but when it stares you clear in the face it’s a really rather daunting prospect. Having to possibly leave China after 11 years. So many things have happened here, it’s been my home for a quarter of my life. And these feelings that have filled my head this week, the ups and downs and the sleepless nights, remind me to keep in mind that hey, it’s just a ride.

I’ll wrap up this weeks Sunday Scribble with the glorious words of the truly amazing Bill Hicks. Human nature can be a wonderful thing, and it can be dark as the bottom of the ocean. If you’re at the bottom right now, as many of us are from time to time, just do your best. Keep your chin up, and be hopeful. Like the song says, “it can’t rain all the time.” I’m telling myself this right now.

“The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real? Or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid - ever - because... this is just a ride.' And we kill those people. 'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that - ever notice that? - and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because... it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defence each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over - not one human being excluded - and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.”