Sep. 2020; Wonderful world, beautiful people?

Everyone has their own personal way to enjoy killing a bit of time. Video games. Read a book. Watch a video. Mine has always been people watching. Even for years before I decided to pick up a camera and snap away at strangers, I’ve never gotten bored of sitting on a bench or staring out of a cafe window and watching the world go by. Or more accurately, watching the people go by. The boys watch the girls while the girls watch the boys who watch the girls go by. People fascinate me. Watching peoples little habitual quirks never ceases to bring a smile to my face. People who shuffle along in pyjamas and slippers during the daytime. Pregnant ladies waddling like they’ve got a baby rhino stuck in there. Men pulling underwear out of their butt. But my absolute favourite is watching people see themselves reflected in shop windows. 9 out of 10 people will immediately correct their posture, boobs thrust forward and perfectly straight back, quick top-to-toe glimpse at (what they think is) how they look, then as soon as the window is gone they’re back to walking like Quasimodo. Try it sometime, it’ll make you chuckle. But as harmless as this may be, this is not actually how we look, as much as we may try to convince ourselves.

We’ve all had that experience where we hear our own voices on a recording, and just doesn’t sound like us. That’s not me. Unsurprisingly, this can happen with photos too. I couldn’t count the amount of times I’ve shown someone a photo I’ve taken of them and the instant response is “this photo makes me look fat.” By saying “this photo makes me look fat” obviously the person doesn’t believe this is an accurate representation of how they look to others. (Guess what? It is.) Same goes with “I look bald/skinny/short/my head looks so big/my teeth look yellow,” sorry supermodel but yep, that’s how you look. One of my dear friends worked as a studio portrait photographer, and he’s told me about clients who’ve insisted on so much photo editing that they look like a ridiculous caricature of their true form. I’ve seen couples at weddings, gleefully standing there with their lives together ahead of them, yet the two people in their photos might as well be from different parents.

Which leads me nicely into a little story I’d like to share with you. It’s a very true story, and perhaps the subject of this little tale might even be reading this.

On one of the many times I was out with my camera doing some happy snapping, a young lady holding some of those balloons with LED lights inside them happened into view. I took a couple of clicks, and went over to show her and of course offer to send to her. With my terrible broken Mandarin we exchanged details and I continued on through the evening, people watching and clicking and enjoying a few cold ones. The next day I receive said young ladies message, reading “blah blah blah PS MY FACE.” I smiled and replied courteously, saying her face did not need any help from editing. On reflection, I should have either just sent a stupid smiley face back, or just ignored the message full stop. But no, I don’t want to leave any kind of awkward or unhappy feelings with the people I encounter. But, the messages didn’t stop…

Every day for almost the whole week, I got my daily “blah blah blah photo blah blah FACE PS.” And every day I replied as a gentleman should. I’m really slow on editing photos, as any of my photo clients will attest to, but finally I got round to checking the snaps and giving her delightful boat race a quick polish. Smooth a few spots out, little glint in the eye, Bob’s your uncle. I happily sent to her. Expecting to get a polite “3Q smiley face” back at some point I put my phone down, and off to make a coffee. I couldn’t have walked 3 steps before the inevitable ZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZ of my phone stopped me in my tracks. Delightful girl, with delightful face, sent me “crying face not happy face so big why you no PS?? angry face.” After a few messages back and forth she actually started to seem really quite apoplectic, so for the umpteenth time I told her her face was lovely and truly didn’t need any photoshop slimming magic, and duly ignored her further messages. Scrolling through wechat a few days later and lo and behold, to the surprise of nobody except me was this young ladies photo, but heavily edited by some unknown marvel and posted to social media with pride. But now, her face wasn’t hers anymore. Her eyes were twice the size, her face was about 30% thinner, and her chin could be used to crack concrete. This is not the slightly chubby yet very pretty girl I met; this was what she wanted to be, and how she wanted the world to see her. But quite alarmingly, this is not particularly abnormal.

Over my decade here in gorgeous Guangdong, I’ve seen the staggering rise in popularity of all kinds of surgical enhancement. This is no new thing in many places around the world, so of course China would catch up sooner or later. Everywhere there are adverts for nose jobs, boob jobs, double eyelids, fix that bald spot you shiny old egg. I’ve even seen adverts for jaw reconstruction surgery, where they saw your jawbone in 4 places to achieve that alien concrete breaker look. (And remember the man who sued his wife for giving birth to ugly children? That was such a car crash of a story.) Attractive people get further in life, that’s been proven time and time again. But when does just enough become too much? When it comes to changing yourself physically I’m fairly non judgmental, or at least I try not to be. I get it. I’ve been getting tattoos since I was about 15, and I know how addictive it can be. You see a new you in the mirror, and you like it. Other people like it too. Maybe just one more. But from tiny acorns mighty oak trees grow. With physical enhancements, feelings of superiority (and/or inferiority) can oftentimes be close behind, and none are so empty as those who are full of themselves. We look at the selfie culture we live in as an innocuous side effect of always having a camera in our pockets, but I’m really not so sure of its innocence. Neil and Buzz went to the moon and took 5 photos. I’ve known girls take double that on a trip to the restaurant toilet. When you go to the gym, do you work yourself so hard that you want to throw up for personal health benefits? Or do you take a photo of your nicely toned ass in those super tight gym pants and post it on social media? That’s vanity.

For decades, psychologists have been studying something called illusory superiority (a.k.a. “the self enhancement effect.”) Up to a point, nearly all of us have it regarding some part of ourselves. On a scale of 0 to 10, how attractive do you think you are? A 6 or a 7? So do most people, which is of course a statistical impossibility. From hairstyles to perfect smiles, our self perception is way off. It doesn’t stop at looks either, the way we see ourselves mentally and emotionally is also pretty far off kilter. Do you think you’re a good person? Of course you do. Do you think you’re fair and considerate to others? Of course you do. As does nearly everybody else. So why do we encounter arseholes so frequently. Ever taken one of those personality tests and been told to answer it 100% honestly? Most people don’t have the ability to.

Now I’m no buddhist, but I am truly marvelled at the concept of meditation. I’ve never meaningfully done it myself, but I’ve read so much and heard so many astounding things about it that I’d find it hard to believe that it doesn’t do some pretty magical things to our introspection. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and look inside. Poke around a bit and ask a few questions. Like the answers? There’s a very simple game you can play with others (or even yourself, if you can be that honest) that might offer a little more insight in to how we really are. Ask people to think of their 3 favourite animals, and describe why they chose them, in terms of both physical attributes and character. Write all this down. Now this is a proven, but very basic, psychological test, and you might be surprised at the results. The first animal chosen is how you see yourself. You chose a horse because they are beautiful and graceful? Yeh that’s what you think you are. The second animal chosen is how others see you. And the third animal chosen is how you truly are. Try it sometime, it’s a hoot, and you’d be surprised at how many people don’t like the final verdict.

But what does all this rambling conclude to? Not much, in fact. I just think it can’t be a bad thing for us to take a little time out and look in the mirror. Your looks may really matter to you, but do they matter that bit too much? Who are you. Write down five good things about you, and five not so good things. Ask a friend to do the same about you, real friends will tell the absolute truth. When was the last time you helped a stranger for no reason. When those people in the street offer you a flyer for a restaurant or a gym, do you say “no thanks” or do you just ignore them and walk straight past. Beauty is only skin deep, and looks fade sooner than you think. Real beauty is inside, and you’ve got a lifetime to make yourself more beautiful.

You already are beautiful. And if you’re not, you can be.