Sep. 2022; You Can’t Touch This Monkey

As I’ve mentioned a few times before in the Sunday Scribble, as an expatriate living here in China, there are several opening questions we are often met with by curious people. And in my personal experience, it’s nearly always the following 4 simple and predictable enquiries;

Where are you from?

Can you speak Chinese?

What is your job? (Or, “Are you English teacher?”)

Do you like Chinese food?

That’s it. After that, much of the time the passing conversation has ended. Fleeting, all questions answered officer, now you may leave. Let’s break these down quickly.

“Can you speak Chinese?” No, not really, just a little bit. I’ll then usually go on to remark how “I’ve tried to study, but Mandarin is very difficult for me.” This is usually met with “Mmm, yes, Chinese very difficult.” “What is your job?” For me, this changes as to whom I’m speaking to. If it’s a middle aged dude, I own a company here. If it’s a 20-something cool kid, I’m a photographer and/or musician. Neither of which answers are lies, just selected-truths. “Do you like Chinese food?” Aaaah, now this gets complicated. I’ll be doing a Sunday Scribble on the whole culture and etiquette of food-and-China soon, but in response to this question the easiest reply is “Yes, but I don’t eat meat so it’s sometimes a little difficult here.” I’ll save the ensuing conversations had in retort to this for another article. But, what about “Where are you from?”

For over the last decade, when I reply “I’m from England” the smiling faces that hear this most times hit back with “Aaaah, fish and chips! Manchester United!” and so forth. But over this last week, on the few times I’ve been asked this, the face has not been so animated. In fact, it’s been far more sombre and thoughtful. The last week, the response has been “Aaah, the Queen. So sorry.” And on each time the person has said this to me, I’ve been truly touched. Before we delve a little deeper into the Sunday/Monday Scribble, I just want to make clear. I’m kind of covering 2 points here this week. Firstly, is that people are genuinely good, sympathetic and warm. And secondly, that many are also easily led and influenced by outside forces.

So, the Queen. I’m not shy in saying that I’m no royalist. I don’t believe that the monarchic system has any relevance or necessity in modern times. In reality, the members of most royal families do very little except “be seen” to do stuff. Visit some far-off countries and attend some posh meals or charity events. They cost the people of their said-countries money, money that could build untold amounts of hospitals or schools, yet they earn a bloody fortune in land rents. At least in the UK, they generate a ton of money in tourist dollars, which then in turn trickles back into the economy (then for our corrupt and poisonous politicians to back-pocket and piss up the wall.) I don’t believe the monarchy has any place in a modern society. If we are told to believe in true equality, then how can a person born into such a family be regarded as so vastly superior? But, the Queen was just a figurehead of a nation, that during her lifetime has massively decreased in both importance and standing. The British “Empire” was vast and strong at the beginning of her ruling, and we have all witnessed it’s crumbling downfall over the last 50 or 60 years. They just aren’t relevant any more. But, like them or not, the Queen was just a lady. Someone’s daughter, someone’s mother, someone’s wife. All around the world, people were grieving with sympathetic messages of care and love on her passing. She was an icon, one that will quite possibly never be replaced in British history. In my mind, she was the end of a long-standing royal era. Nobody will ever look at that lemon Charlie with such respect. I suspect King Charles the Wally will show us the beginning of the end for the British royals.

Social media is such a Frankenstein of power now. Are eyeballs are constantly mopping up information in any form possible, from memes to videos to Douyin diarrhoea. And over the past days, people’s love for our Queen feels genuinely heartfelt. Granted, a lot of bad shit happened over the course of her lifetime, some of which she might have been able to change the outcome of, and some far beyond her power. But she did the job expected of her; Be there, be seen and not heard. To only express her opinions on world events in the most subtle of ways. And she did her job well. And the videos and messages plastered all over social media have reflected that, people here in China have been so kind and thoughtful to her memory, even though she had very little impact on most people’s lives here. Perhaps that’s why the messages and videos have been so thoughtful. I can’t imagine the death of King Donald Trump would have been met with such sympathy.

*Side note; So, before we continue, let’s be honest, it had to happen eventually. Several weeks ago I wrote a thing for the Sunday Scribble called “The Tides of Change,” talking briefly about the rather obvious exodus of expats from the grand ol’ PRC. And somehow, after being able to view for a few weeks, has now since been deemed “in breach of wechat law.” In fact, it says “Unable to view this content because it violates regulations.” Clear, concise, a little bit rude and presumptuous, but there we have it. I went on to read the godly Weixin set of rules and restrictions, and after several pages it basically comes down this; “What exactly violates wechat rules? Absolutely anything we damn well decide.” To be honest, I’m not surprised. I always keep in mind what I should and should not feel is suitable to talk about, and most of the time I keep a lid on my real feelings about certain subjects (or just don’t mention them at all, to stop me getting carried away and end up in hot water.) But sometimes I’m feeling a bit sassy or riled up, sometimes I might be writing after a drink or two is inside me, and sometimes I just don’t give a toss.”The Tides of Change” was clearly crafted in one or all of those circumstances. Of all the articles I’ve wrote about, that one probably got the most honest feedback. Many people are all too aware of the feelings and situation this year, and many were completely unawares until they read it. So that’s fine for me. If someone, anyone, read something and understood a slightly wider-view of life here then great, my job is done. Mission complete. And having a trivial blog article taken down by the wechat police hardly ruins my day, in fact it brought a smile to my face. Finally, I’ve been censored. I wear the tag like a medal of outspoken honour. Nope, being taken down doesn’t bother me. It’s what’s not taken down that absolutely pisses me off. And this week something has done just that. Back to the Scribble…

To avoid any possible unwanted ramifications, I will not be saying this persons name. But, this person has a Ph.D., got the Nelson Mandela award from WHO, is Adjust Professor at UCLA, is 59 years old, has worked for over 30 years diligently in HIV research, has initiated HIV testing in China in the 90’s, dutifully helped controlling SARS in Beiing in 2003, and helped investigating the Covid outbreak in 2020 in Beijing. And interestingly, was also previously a member of the “China Association for the Promotion of Democracy.” And this highly educated, world-class top level professional, also released his acute opinion of ways of dealing with the dreaded monkeypox starting with; Avoid skin contact with foreigners. Oh. Dear. Now, this is a rather hot topic now, not only with expats here in China and also the rather more intellectually advanced people of China, but also internationally. His statements have been sprawled all over the news in many countries, and it’s not exactly shining a favourable light on the medical and scientific community of the PRC. In fact, it’s making a bit of a laughing stock of them. Remember when old Trump said “gargling bleach would stop Coronavirus,” and were all in hysterics of his idiocy… well, seems he’s been “Top-Trumped” in that regard…

I’m not going to go into this too much deeper, I’m sure the news can relay more information that I could ever hope to achieve. But let’s look at the only 3 reasons I can ascertain for his controversial statements;

1. He’s an absolute moron.

2. He’s an absolute xenophobe.

3. He was instructed to say that.

Now, speedily going through these, number 1. Nope, no way, impossible. This person is extremely well educated, and although education does not necessarily equate to intelligent, he is no fool. (And just for some light bedtime reading, search the world wide interweb about Dr. Harold Shipman, the UK’s most prolific serial killer, who murdered around 250 of his own patients.) Even if he truly believed that skin contact with foreigners might increase chances of the monkeypox infection, one of his advisers surely would have raised attention to the statement and it would have been rectified. So, moving on, number 2, possibly. But, once again, this would have raised red flags to those reading, checking and approving his statements, and surely would have been rectified. Saying such blaringly xenophobic words are not only extremely alarming, they are also profession-harming, and these kinds of statements will follow him for the rest of his career. This is not the statement of such a respected and high level expert in his field, but it will leave a permanent stain on his character until way after his retirement. I personally cannot believe that he would have made such remarks, fully knowing what the response and outcome would be. Nope. So that leaves number 3. To me, this is the most likely.

Let’s take a side step now. Social media, or more accurately, cell phones. Now, we live in a place where now it’s actually impossible to get by without the use of a cell phone. Thanks to the endlessly apparent need for health codes and virus tests, a person cannot function unless you own and use a cell phone. That choice has been taken away from us. And like it or not, our phones inundate us with marketing, advertising, promotions, flashing lights and loud sounds, flowing rivers of mind numbing shit to keep us from actually thinking, questioning, and most disconcertingly to some, rejecting. China has the worlds highest percentage of internet addiction, video game addiction, and also, unsurprisingly, myopia. We are addicted to our phones, our screens. And addicted people are easy to influence. Let’s take a look back at my own countries dark and unforgivable history. The opium wars. At that time we fully understood that we couldn’t fight such a large populous without surely being defeated, so what did we do to ensure our continued profits in both legal and illegal trading? We got the people addicted. The addicted are easy to influence, easy to control.

The internet and social media are hugely powerful forces in our lives, but in my opinion that power is vastly underestimated. Subliminal messaging has been proven time and time again to be able to influence our thoughts, our opinions, our judgements. We see stuff and we judge it, and our opinions are formed. War in Ukraine, bad. Trump, bad. People’s minds are easily swayed by a pathetic Douyin video or wechat post. Sometimes it’s a case of “monkey see, monkey do.” And nowadays it’s unfortunately often a case of “monkey read, monkey believe.” And these recent statements by the world class expert in science and medicine will surely do nothing more than negatively influence millions of peoples feelings towards foreigners in China. Breeding continued xenophobia to the impressionable masses.

It’s definitely time to wrap this weeks Sunday Scribble up before I get myself in trouble and another kind soul reports me to the wechat police. But let me say this; It’s no wonder why foreigners are leaving here in their droves. I remember when the virus news was spreading worldwide, and there were dozens of disgusting race-fuelled attacks on Asians. And then in defiance came the “I am not a virus” slogan, proudly outspoken by Asian people around the globe, and we applauded them for it. Their bravery and strength actually managed to change things for the better. I even saw a video of a guy, blindfolded, standing with a “I am not a virus” sign, and people were approaching him, embracing and hugging him in understanding and support.

Now let’s just imagine a black guy, standing blindfold with the same sign, in the middle of a street in Chengdu, or Shenzhen, or any other tier-1 city here. After this weeks statements regarding the possible infectious spread of monkeypox, let me ask you this question;

How many hugs do you think he would get?