Sep. 2020; Home is where the heart is

So October is just a few days away, and peoples’ heads are full of the holiday mood. The October holidays are, in many ways, my favourite time of year since I’ve resided here. The Mid-Autumn holidays aren’t drenched in the perturbing pressure that Spring festival is infamous for (I have scores of friends who quite literally dread going home for those, to face the annual “job/salary/marriage/baby” inquisitions.) People are also generally in a much better mood as the weather has cooled off somewhat and it’s actually comfortable to be outdoors. As a Westerner, Halloween and Christmas, shortly followed by New Year, is just around the corner. This year has surely flown by. Conversations over the last few weeks have almost certainly included “what’s your plans for the October holidays?” Many people I know are travelling around China, taking in some of the wonders within our own borders seeing as international travel is still off the cards. And a few people I know are answering with “just stay home.”

To slightly go off on a tangent, living in China is not the easiest place in the world for me, and for many others. Now this is by no means criticizing the gorgeous PRC, it’s just that we all have different needs and wants and desires in life. Hopefully we can live somewhere that fulfils these criteria, makes our lives meaningful and balanced and bring us happiness. For myself and for many others, there’s some things that are a real struggle. The language, some aspects of the culture, social interactions, food, the heat, internet and website stuff, men and women, policies and regulations, do’s and dont’s. Ask any foreigner if it’s easy to live here, and I guarantee the answer will be along the lines of “some things yes, some things no.”

I find that for foreigners who choose to live in China, the 1 year mark is a good test of character. When you first arrive here it’s all hearts and flowers, you love everything and everybody, you try to learn Mandarin, maybe get a local BF or GF, and you wake up with a smile on your face every morning. Then after several months things start to feel different. The honeymoon period is well and truly over. All the things you adored only a few months earlier are now the cause of irritation and anger. Restaurants. Taxi drivers. People. You find yourself losing your temper over small things, you pick fault in stuff that really doesn’t matter. This is the time many people choose to leave, full of resentment. But after about a year you’ve experienced the good and the bad, and you’re in a much clearer headspace about how you feel towards staying here. Over the past decade I’ve cycled through these phases several times, but the pro’s have always far outweighed the con’s.

Of course nowhere is perfect, it’s just finding the place that brings you the most equilibrium. We’d all love to lay on a beach all day in Thailand, but we can’t make money there doing that. China has been extremely kind to me over my decade here, it’s the place I call home. But this year the concomitant side effects of the global pandemic have surely made life harder. Issues with visas, jobs, companies closing down, health codes, quarantines, passports and a lot more, have caused unknown amounts of foreigners to leave China, many with no way or intention of coming back. Seeing people I know having to leave here after years of happy residence has really made me sit down and think hard about it all, my situation and so forth. And there’s one simple unanswered question that keeps coming back to haunt me; where is home?

Let’s not mix up where you’re from, and where is home. They are not necessarily the same place. Of course I’m from London, but it’s definitely not home. It’s a place I lived before, I don’t any longer, and that’s it. I feel the same way about Germany and Hong Kong, I lived there previously and now I don’t, by my own choice. Shenzhen is my home, but for just how long? As a person living abroad for some time, it’s widely considered that one day, you’ll “go home.” To most that means their place of birth, retirement, enjoy the golden years. But for some of us peppered around the world, there is simply no reason to go back there. I have no reason to go back to London. I’m a stray dog. On my infrequent trips back to the UK I barely recognize the place I grew up. Our economy is in real trouble, our UK government is incompetent. We have widespread unemployment and disgusting level of homelessness. I think it’s true of anywhere, once you’ve been away from somewhere for an amount of time, your perceptions change. Your feelings and opinions and attitude about things change too. Mine certainly have. When you live somewhere you just kind of get used to the bad stuff, as I did back in England. The gangs, the drug addicts, the amounts of teenage single mothers, the sheer amount of crime. Sometimes you don’t see the cracks until you step back.

I find some Shenzhen people to be in a similar boat. Shenzhen is a young city, but where do people go after they’ve made a little money here? With the huge increase in urbanisation it’s clear most don’t go back to the rural areas. The countryside holds little for them after the bright lights. I guess the small numbers of people who were actually born in Shenzhen will stay here for good, for them this place truly is home. With the plans for the “greater bay area” project this part of the world will surely double, triple in numbers and size. Living in the worlds first mega-city may seem pretty attractive to the younger generation, but will it meet our expectations in reality. More people and more industry inevitably means more pollution and even higher prices. Over the years I’ve asked a lot of friends in Hong Kong what are the negative aspects of living there, and all too many times the reply is “too crowded, too expensive.” Is that the future for Shenzhen, too? Fingers crossed, touch wood, it’s not..

So what is it that makes you gravitate to a certain patch of land on this big blue and green rock and decide that’s it, this is the spot. Before I moved to Germany I remember reading that if you are thinking about moving to a new place you should seriously consider these 3 things; the food, the language, and the culture. Take some time and do some research. If you don’t truly like at least 2 of these 3 factors, then this is not the place for you. But of course these are not the only considerations. There’s quality of life, cost of living, jobs and employment prospects, safety, quality of healthcare, quality of education if you plan to or already have kids, can you afford to raise a family there, disease, religious freedom, personal freedom, plus a ton of other things to make your head explode with worry. I’ve talked to quite a few people who’ve lived in the UK for a while, most often for studying. When I ask them how did they like living there, they will usually have as many positives as negatives, which is absolutely fair. Nowhere is perfect.

For me personally, feelings of uncertainty are on my mind for the first time in a decade. The future is unpredictable, but as I’m getting older the allure of the unforeseeable is not as appealing as it used to be. When you’re young you are this bullet-proof immortal baddass, fearless and reckless and ready for adventure. You want to sail the 7 seas, have irresponsible fantastic romances and wrestle alligators. And you have your adventures, you go on your quests and you learn from them. They shape you. Eventually the thirst for excitement is quenched, and you start to feel ready to have a bit more of a “normal” life. I’m kinda feeling that now. But the question is, where will it be? How will it be? Or do I have one more adventure left in me yet? Most people don’t need a plan-B, they can quite accurately see what their future holds for them. Some people are family orientated. They will grow old gracefully and enjoy watching their children become parents themselves. Some people are career orientated. They can put all their energy into their vocation and reap the fruits of their toil in the years to come.

And some people are neither. So where is home for the strays?