Jun. 2020; Grateful For An Umbrella

“Manners cost nothing, but mean everything.” This was one of the most important things I was taught as a kid, and I still follow this lesson to this day. Another thing I believe in that comes free but means the world, is small and simple acts of kindness. This morning something happened to me that will stay in my memory for quite some time. I was out walking the dog as per usual, birds are singing and the sky is blue, and I’d just bought some groceries when the heavens opened and the rain smashed down like doomsday was upon us. Dog and I are standing outside in the small amount of shelter we could hide under, when a lovely young lady rushes over to us from her car, umbrella in hand and smile on face. She told me in perfect English how we live in the same apartment complex (I must be pretty easy to spot, being one of the only Western people in my ‘hood, and also being tall as a pine tree) and offered dog and I a ride home in her rather large and impressive car. I thanked her and politely declined, (the smell of wet dog is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy) and told her we could wait it out until the crazy rain passed. So she then insisted I take her umbrella for the walk home, and we exchanged contacts so I could give it back to her later. Now this may sound like such a small thing, but in all honestly this simple act almost brought a lump to my throat, as this is one of the very few times in the past decade of life here that someone has done something so meaningfully kind to me. We take acts like this as really rather trivial, but when was the last time you went out of your way to offer help to a complete stranger? And so this leads me conveniently to the topic of my weekly scribble; Gratitude and gratefulness.

It’s hard to believe how 2020 has gone so far. It’s been such a horrendous year for us all that it feels akin to a badly wrote and unimaginative B-movie. Just when it feels like the world is restoring some kind of semblance to normality, BAM here comes another turn of events to shake the planet up and turn things on their head. Every day I thank my lucky stars that I’m here in Shenzhen, as opposed to others who are stuck in parts of the world with very serious problems. For this I am grateful, for I know several others who decided the best course of action was to leave China and take refuge in other places and who are now in a real mess, unable to return to work, home, families and friends. But, sometimes it’s hard to see the wood for the trees, and a little self pity and resentment to our personal situations can turn into quite a toxic state of mind.

I find it hard to stay still sometimes. All my life I’ve needed to get away from wherever I am, sometimes for weeks, sometimes a few days, sometimes even just a few hours, away from the job and the house and the people. Jump on the motorcycle/train/donkey and disappear into the sunset, take in a deep breath of air and walk some unfamiliar streets. I’ve been fortunate enough that every year since I’ve been in Shenzhen I have been able to travel, both within the gorgeous countryside of China, and also to explore other countries. Now this is not just to be a tourist and have a little vacation, my personal state of mind needs to get away from my regular little spot in the world. I need space. I need time for a little reflection, for a few moments of clarity. The terrible events of this year have well and truly dashed any ideas or plans of travel, and on occasion I’ve found myself selfishly resenting this. Then it dawns on me how self absorbed I’m being by thinking this way, and I give myself a proverbial slap round the chops.

For several years I’ve been deeply longing to go visit India. The colours, the festivals, the smiles, the food, my heart yearns to experience life there, even if it’s only for a week or two. I’ve talked to Indian friends, got the names of some recommended places to see, travel advice and a few helpful do’s and don’ts. There are a great number of reasons I would love to visit this glorious country, but the main reason might be a little unanticipated by some; I need to feel humbled. But why?

I think many of us find it all too easy to get complacent. I know I do. We live our lives, go about our days, work, earn, spend, work some more. We go out to eat, watch a movie, coffee and cake with friends, visit a gallery, date in the park holding hands. All this and more is just our norm, our regular unremarkable lives. But last year I was blessed to have the most life altering experience that made me absolutely rethink my self, my situation, my everything.

I had somewhat of a last minute chance to visit Manila in the Philippines. Now when we think of the Philippines our minds first possibly envisage thoughts of sun drenched beaches, palm trees, cocktails with little umbrellas in them and gorgeous brown skinned beauties walking into the ocean. What I witnessed on my exploration of the city was about as far from that as you could possibly imagine. After my first few hours there, walking the streets with my camera, seeing the scores of homeless people and endless barely clothed children living on next to nothing, I promised that I would never use the words “I’m poor” again.

I will write further about that trip in the future, and how it changed my outlook on life as a result, but the main point is that by seeing what I saw, by experiencing first hand just how some people are forced to live on not much more than scraps and trash, it flipped my view of our world, and drilled an extremely strong sense of gratefulness into my thick and privileged head. I was well and truly humbled by those incredible and friendly people, who get by with a smile on their face yet live on very little. I think a trip to India would give me another glimpse of life that would broaden my mind and open my heart, and once again reinforce what I have here to be thankful for.

One thing I cannot stand about some people is their attitudes and beliefs of being “above” others. Nobody is superior or inferior to anyone, not because of background or education or wealth or skin colour. But we’ve all unfortunately witnessed the person talking to a waitress or security guard like dirt, treating them like crap while they in turn expected to be treated like royalty. It’s easy for many of us to forget that our personal situation, our loving and supportive family, our costly educations and comfortable housing is purely because of where we were born and who we were born to. Not everyone had the same opportunities and chances.

There’s a well known quote from Bill Gates that goes “if you are born poor it’s not your mistake, but if you die poor it’s your mistake.” I find this statement abhorrent. It may be meant as motivational and guiding words of wisdom from one of the earths richest money makers, but to me it feels like nothing less than describing people who have little with elitist disdain. Would anyone dare to tell the children who live on the trash heaps of Cambodia that it’s their own mistake they will most likely die poor? The famine victims of Africa, the street children of India, “oh by the way this is your mistake, your fault.” We, as humans, could be in real danger of losing our humanity.

So while we may be feeling sorry for ourselves at not being able to travel, that possibly our lives are a little more difficult than this time last year, money is tight and business is tough, perhaps we might take a few moments to reflect on what we do have right now, instead of what we don’t. If we happen to encounter someone on the street with less, who might be asking for a little change, instead of avoiding them and looking the other way perhaps we can smile and say hi, skip that Starbucks coffee and give them a little money. We are in a very privileged position compared to so many others, and if we are in a position to help, we should help. When we’re out to eat with friends and family perhaps we can be just that bit more polite to the waitress. Remember to say please and thank you, manners cost nothing but mean everything. Say good morning to the security guard. We don’t know or understand others situations, we don’t know what their life is like, but by a few small acts of kindness we can change their day. And if you ever see someone stuck out in the rain, offer them your umbrella. ;)