Aug. 2020; Barriers, Culture Shock, and the word for Toilet

culture shock [ˈkəlCHər ˌSHäk]

Noun.

Definition; Culture shock is the feeling of uncertainty, confusion, or anxiety that people experience when visiting, doing business in, or living in a society that is different from their own. Social norms can vary significantly across countries and regions. Culture shock can arise from an individual's unfamiliarity with local customs, language, and acceptable behavior.

“You don’t understand Chinese culture.” Oh lordy, lordy me, how I wish I had 10 kuai for every time I’d been told that. It’s the one sentence that I’m sure almost every expat has heard in his time here, and oftentimes used as the token “I can’t explain this to you so this is end of conversation.” And yes, I’ll concur that sometimes it’s correct, when people from different places have some kind of misunderstanding or disagreement about something, it can be because of that. But as I’ve mentioned previously, I firmly believe that we have a vast amount more personal difference than cultural ones. Example A; woman walking dog, dog poops, woman doesn’t pick it up. Now is that a personal difference or a cultural one? We all know we should pick it up. None of us want to stand in it, fall in it, or our kids to play with it. But still some people just keep on walking and let it bake in the midday sun. Nobody can tell me that lady A thinks it’s entirely culturally appropriate to leave it there, but some people just will. Now, example B; Two men meet each other, and proceed to kiss each other on the cheek. Personal or cultural? Absolutely cultural, to many places around the world (especially some parts of Europe) this is a very usual and respectful form of greeting. Just don’t try it in somewhere like Scotland or you’ll possibly find yourself drinking your meals through a straw for the next few weeks.

There are thousands of differences that make us, people, places, customs and so on unique, not right or wrong, just a little different. And some differences are a lot easier to deal with than others. If you’re from Shanghai and you accept a job in Beijing then of course there’ll be differences, but nothing to lose sleep over, perhaps just some slight inconveniences to suffer. But imagine you’re from London, a cold and wet place, not particularly convivial, and you find yourself on the other side of the globe, not knowing anybody particularly well and never even previously stepping foot in that continent. Now this is culture shock. My weekly scribble this beautiful Sunday is going to lightheartedly detail some of the many barriers, obstacles, hurdles and complications I had to somehow get a grip on and prevail over. And still some things I’m yet to…

1. The weather. Now I’m from a place where, statistically, it rains around 160 days per year, winter seems to last from October until around April, and the summer lasts about as long as the CCTV New Year Special. 10 years ago I got on the plane in Heathrow wearing a leather jacket, jeans, DM boots and a nervous smile. Trepidatiously landing in Hong Kong 11 hours later, the feeling of walking out of the plane was akin to holding your face in front of a pizza oven as they open the door. Breathtaking is a word usually used in another context. My first 2 weeks of attempted slumber in Shenzhen I lay under the AC on 16 degress, and still couldn’t sleep. Every year I think my soft old body gets slightly more adjusted to the scorching heat, but still every year I say a few blessed “thank yous” to the big voice in the sky as the temperatures drop around October. I could not live in Asia without AC, surely the single best invention in history (after brewing alcohol and sun dried tomatoes.)

2. The language. Now this may be a little hard to grasp for some of my less travelled friends, but not being able to even slightly comprehend the written or spoken language system of the place you live in can be really rather terrifying. Imagine being in a place where the language looks like a Dali painting and sounds like a catfight. There you go. I lived in Germany for a year before taking up residence in the glorious PRC, and although my spoken German was about as good as my fandango skills, I managed to figure things out pretty quickly. Languages that use a regular lettered alphabet are really quite fathomable, you just have to learn which words mean what. Water. Bottle of water. Coffee. Cup of coffee. Sandwich. I’d like a sandwich. And of course, toilet. And so on to my very first little mishap adventure here in Shenzhen...

Me being the intrepid explorer I am, for my first summer in Shenzhen I would often just get on the bus or metro, sit reading my book for a while (should have been a “learn Mandarin” book, idiot) and get off where the feeling takes me, and just walk. Walk around, see whats what, take in the sights, grab a cold Tsingtao or two, and eventually find a taxi to take me back home (address on a little piece of paper in my wallet.) But you see, back a decade ago we didn’t have smart phones with apps and dictionaries and translators, oh but how I wish we did. On one of my very first little exploration jollys I ended up in the infamous Dongmen district of Luohu. After a few hours of treading the pavements and taking in the wonders I somehow found myself in the middle of not much more than an industrial area, and those nice cold Tsingtaos had decided it was time to make an escape from my bladder. But could I find a public toilet? No, dear reader, I could not. I walked and walked until the pain was almost unbearable, looking like some kind of jogging cripple, and then eventually in the far off landscape I spied the holy ground of public conveniences, KFC. After the seemingly long taxi ride home I made it back, and what was the very first sentence I leaned in Mandarin? Not “nice to meet you” or “thank you very much.”  Oh no. “Where is the toilet?”

3. The food. Now this was the real kicker. You see,back in England I adored Chinese food like a dog loves a bone. Sweet and sour tofu, chow mein, fried rice, spring rolls et al, all were my culinary mouthfuls of nirvana, and I couldn’t wait to get here and pig out on real local Chinese food, all day long. My friends were so jealous. In England we love Chinese food. Even the smallest of countryside villages will have at least one Chinese restaurant. But, Chinese food back there bears very little resemblance to what it is here. And being a non meat eater, finding something for lunch could sometimes be literally impossible. Even when I learned to master “I am vegetarian, no meat please,” I would often be met with stares like I just told the waitress I wear ladies underwear and eat shoes. My first several weeks in Shenzhen I lived off nothing but bar food and Subway sandwiches. But to look at it another way, I quickly learned to cook much better than previously, and that’s easily a much cheaper and healthier way to live. If Chinese food here was the same as in England, I would be the size of a bus by now.

But the taste is not the only thing that differs, the preparation can also bring a rather large shock to the senses (and in my case, a tear to the eyes.) You see in all the places I’d been before China, all the meat is well and truly dead. Frozen, or at least refrigerated, and definitely not looking at you with helpless eyes moments before it’s in the pot. To this day I can’t even walk around the fresh seafood part of the supermarket, and wet markets are well and truly off my list of go-to places. Having meat and seafood so very… fresh, is an absolute cultural difference. Even if I wasn’t vegetarian before I came to China, it wouldn’t have taken long before I was.

4. The apartments/living. The old expression says that “an English mans home is his castle.” Damn right. Before Shenzhen I’d never lived in an apartment, I’d always lived in houses with gardens and a garage, even a basement once. I’m not afraid of heights, but I found living so high up pretty scary in all honesty. And oh, how I do miss having a garden. Weekend barbeques and garden parties, planting flowers and growing herbs and vegetables are now unfortunately a thing of the past for me. Even in the cities, many people live in houses as opposed to flats, so getting used to living on one floor and not having stairs was a bit of a thing.

To coincide with that, initially I couldn’t get over the total lack of noise I’d been so accustomed to. In London we are bombarded with sounds 24 hours a day, from police and ambulance sirens to singing drunks and car alarms, but living in my first apartment here (on the 33rd floor no less) the silence was deafening. When you spend most of your life surrounded with the sounds of the city, it kind of becomes the background soundtrack to life. Now as I’m older and much less tolerant, I pray for silence, or at least a bit of peace and quiet during the days.

But once again to look at it positively, rents here are still far more affordable than back in London. It’s an unusual contrast, in England rents are exorbitant but buying a house or apartment is relatively cheap, considering what you get for the money. Renting here is really quite reasonable, but buying your own place is something requiring the life savings of the families past 7 generations. In many places here, the cost of an apartments 1-square meter is the same price as buying a brand new family car in England. And if needs be, you can live in a family car much more comfortably than living in 1-square meter.

Space. Now this one is a real personal pet hate of mine. Space, or to be more precise, lack of. Now firstly this isn’t about the apartments as such. I’ve been in various apartments of various people over several various countries, and compared to places like London and (especially) Hong Kong, the apartments we are blessed with here in sunny Shenzhen are really quite commodious. I’m talking more about personal space, an entity that seems somewhat lost from time to time. For one thing, transport, namely buses and planes. Now I know I’m somewhat of a freak of nature, but being 196 tall has far more drawbacks than it does advantages. Many people here in the glorious PR of C make kindly remarks about how nice it must be to be like a walking talking lamppost, but oh how little do they know.

Many people are unaware that planes don’t actually come with the seats bolted in that set position, oh no siree. They have little rails along the floor and the seats can be moved to accommodate as many people as the airline company see fit. And by reasoning, we have more people in China than any other country, ergo more flights needed to move them all about (and cram in more passengers to make the $$). And to be subtle, most people here are not the tallest in the world. For me, taking a flight on some Asian airline companies is akin to squeezing a giraffe into a public telephone box. (How I wish all airlines spaced their seats like Russian planes, try one and see for yourself.) Being on the bus is somewhat similar, but thankfully most bus journeys don’t last as long (except in rush hour, then it’s far quicker, hygienic and way more comfortable to walk to your chosen destination.)

Even more nightmarish is the thing that sends a shiver down the spine of this particular gent, personal space. You see, back in England we do everything in our power to not actually touch anybody. That may be on the bus, the street, the queue for the little boys room or whathaveyou. Personal space is everything, and it’s not something we like invaded without prior formal invitation. This is where we get to the worst of the bunch, undoubtedly the damn metro. During the busier times of day I swear I’ve almost become pregnant on the journey home. Hands, hair, butts and *other unnamed body parts* pressed so firmly and intimately against me it’s harrowing at best. Not so many months ago I had a girl persistently rub her back up and down me like she was a bear scratching her arse on a tree. I’ve had lifelong friends back in Europe who’ve never been physically closer to me than a warm handshake or a peck on the cheek, yet these strangers feel it’s perfectly appropriate to jump straight to fourth base without even buying me dinner.

On somewhat of a side note, if you want to really discover how the wealth divide affects many in Hong Kong, do an internet search for the amazing work of photographer Benny Lam, his body of work called Coffin Homes. It’s really quite unsettling.

All the bloody holidays. Now this is where I’m possibly showing my true colours as the grumpy old shit I can be, but how many holidays do we need in one year?! I’m not complaining about the days off, oh no no I love those, it’s just the hassle of it all. Back in England we have basically 2 holidays a year, being Christmas and New Year, which are thoughtfully placed one week apart. The only time of year you have to worry about crowds, shopping, feeling bored to tears at family meals whilst having to listen to old people rabble on about how things used to be and why aren’t you married yet, is conveniently all wrapped up in the last week of December. Thank you. But here? Close your eyes and think of any date of the year, there’s probably a holiday near it, and nearly all encompass spending money/buying gifts. I’m used to buying gifts 3 times a year and that’s it. Christmas, birthdays, and valentines day, if you’re not a sad and lonely social misfit. Yes, we have just one valentines day, hallelujah.

But it’s not really the spending that gets to me. During the many holidays here we like to venture out from our pits, get some sunshine and see someplace new, as unfortunately do the other 550 billion other people who all seem to converge at exactly the same spot we want to be. I would love to go see the Great Wall, but unless they decide to close it to everyone who’s not me then it’s definitely not gonna happen. I like people (mostly.) I like mountains. I like the sea. I don’t like people mountain people sea.

The Fakes. This is absolutely not aimed at the cool stuff like counterfeit bags and watches, I love those. This is about the stuff you put inside your body. Several times I’ve woken up (thankfully) with a splitting headache after falling victim to the endless clubs and bars selling fake booze. And without being too graphic, I’ve spent a lot more occasions perched on the throne for hours on end after munching away on fake snacks from the corner store. But this is by no means how serious it ends. The well documented stories of fake vaccinations and baby food was nothing short of heart breaking. How can any human being potentially end the life of another over literally making a few dollars is way beyond my comprehension. It seems these cases are getting fewer and farther between, and it’s reassuring to know the powers that be are taking it so very seriously. Be careful.

The Loneliness. This may be last on the list, but it has nothing to do with being from whichever part of the world and moving to some other part of the world. This can affect any of us, all of us, whether it be in a new city, a new country, or even the place we’ve spent all our lives. With the invention of smart phones and apps it’s so much easier now to meet new people, partake in hobbies and activities within a group, and hopefully meet some new people along the way. But for others it’s just not that easy. Many people are so painfully shy and introverted they feel it’s almost impossible to muster up the courage to be amongst new people, even though they may long to.

Shenzhen is a migrant city, and I was one of them. When I first came here I spent far too much time alone. Eating alone, going to watch a movie alone, plus a ton of other day to day things much nicer done with a friend. We all know somebody who we rarely, if ever, see with another person. It doesn’t take much for us to smile and stretch out the hand of friendship, even if they may seem timorous in accepting. “Are you busy? I want a coffee, come have a coffee with me” is all it takes. After all, it feels very rewarding to do something to somehow help another, even if it’s something we may feel insignificant at the time. It’s nice to be nice.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of the things that initially jolted me, or that continue to perturb me to this day. These are just the main ones that caught me off guard and landed a hard right hook, and thankfully I look back at nearly all of these with amusement and fond memories of being so naive in this new land I now call home.

5. Space (lack of.)

6. All the bloody holidays.

7. The fakes.

8. The loneliness.