Aug. 2022; 3 Animals

Back in 2015 when I was really getting into photography properly, I was looking for a photo group. A gang of photography enthusiast buddies to learn from, listen to their words of wisdom that might hopefully shed some light on to this mysterious medium I’d only really ventured into as a happy snapper before. I asked around, and after several months I found myself still without such group. There were several photography groups in Shenzhen back then, but they all seemed to be less than interested in accepting a foreigner into their ranks. So with necessity being the mother of invention, I started a group. I wanted something, unlike the existing photo groups in Shenzhen, where all were welcome, with no prejudice towards age, background, skill level, nationality or gender. It started with a handful of us, and now it’s grown exponentially. And not so secretly, I’m very proud of it. We do things like regular photo walks, BBQ and beers, studio evenings to learn about lighting and working with models, and of course the annual Christmas party. All good fun. Even though in Shenzhen you are surrounded by millions of people, it can still be a very lonely place. I’m happy our little band of sisters and brothers can bring people together over a shared interest.

One little project a few of us embarked on recently was called “27 Frames.” We decided we would each buy the same plastic disposable camera, which was loaded with black and white film, and only had 27 shots on the roll. We also chose 27 theme ideas, with the idea that one photo would somehow represent that theme idea, and we could go through the whole film and slowly tick the theme suggestions off the list. It was a great way to focus on something solid, rather than just walking around with a camera in your hands hoping to catch something interesting. One of the theme suggestion ideas was simply described as “Body.” Now this could mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and could be interpreted in several ways. A body of water. A naked body. Anybody. Nobody. I found my little subject laying flat out dead on the beach one sunny Spring morning.

This little silver fish had clearly passed over the rainbow bridge some hours earlier, so I took my snap and walked on, and that was that. That’s my “Body” shot in the bag. It’s far from unusual to find dead fish on the beach in the mornings, and although it’s not a pleasant sight, it’s just nature. But now let’s fast forward several months, to just a couple of days ago. I was out walking Bowie, the bluey-brown eyed dog I found abandoned, took home, and now can’t seem to shake off. I was taking her for a long walk on a crazy hot day (39-degrees to be exact, Mad Dogs and Englishmen) and I came across a tiny kitten on the side of the road. She must have been no more than a few weeks old, and clearly had been killed by a car or passing e-bike. She looked like she was sleeping, with no physical signs of damage, but she was gone. Now this all may seem like I’m rambling on, but it has a point. Everyone knows I’m a true animal lover, and a soon as I saw her the words “Oh no no no” just fell out of my mouth. I checked her to make sure, but the poor little soul was lifeless. But then just a few moments later, the second thought that came to me was “Shall I take a photograph?” Just a soon as it crossed my mind, I immediately looked back at myself and felt a sense of shame for even considering it. So I did what I thought best, I picked her up in a plastic bag I had on me, took her tiny frame into the nearby woods, and gently buried her next to a tree. Dog and I carried on our walk, whilst I pondered somewhat deeply about what had just occurred.

Now unbeknowst to some, feelings and emotions are not exactly the same thing. Essentially, emotions are the raw data, a reaction to the present reality, whereas feelings can be diluted by stories we’ve created in our head based on events of the past or fears of the future—not necessarily the truth of the situation. You could say that the clear difference between feelings and emotions is that feelings have to be triggered by an external motivating factor, whereas emotions can be completely internalized. Emotions are aroused before feelings, whereas feelings are caused by emotions. Emotions can be observed through physical reactions, whereas feelings can be hidden. Now on this day, my initial emotion was distress and upset. I hate to see any animal in pain, in any form of suffering, or worst of all, dead. But then my second reaction, as a lover of taking pictures, was to potentially take a quick snap. But. Why had none of this even slightly upset or barely bothered me when I came across the dead fish on the beach? They’re both animals, they both have feelings and intelligence. Perhaps it was because the fish most likely died naturally, whereas the kitten almost certainly involved a human factor? Maybe. Perhaps it was because kittens are cute and fluffy, and fish are not? Probably. Fish are food and kittens are pets. And what a damned hypocrite I am..

Hypocritical as it may be, it certainly did one thing for me. It made me think quite a lot about self perception. How we see ourselves may really be quite different from how others see us. It’s quite obvious to me that people around us can often see who we really are, far clearer than we can actually see ourselves. Most people would never think to describe themselves as actually a bit stupid or selfish, but we are. Most of us are. Many, if not most of us, would describe ourselves as above average intelligence, but that simply isn’t possible. Many of us would think of ourselves are caring, thoughtful, sincere people, but are we? Some, yes. Many, no. If, say for example, we stumbled upon the magic lamp and gave it a rub, and the old genie pops out and grants us not 3, but just 1 wish. Just one. To use in any way we see fit. How many people do you think would wish for something that benefits the whole world, compared to how many would ask for personal wealth or health. Yeh we might tell ourselves we’d wish for world peace, no desease or whatever other bullshit that seems self righteous and liberating, but would we really? Or would we ask to be filthy rich. To live forever. Self self self.

As I’ve mentioned previously, this last year or so I’ve really been enjoying reading about basic psychology. What makes us tick. The human mind is a terribly brilliant thing (or so some intellectuals believe.) As I’ve said many times, the last couple of years of living with this damned virus (and now living with the “preventative measures” that seem far more unbearable) have really shown peoples true colours. The health workers that voluntarily spend endless hours to help in the care of peoples safety and wellbeing are pure angels. They’ve truly secured their place in heaven. And the human filth who thought it reasonable to beat peoples pets to death, the scumbags who were price gouging groceries and other basic necessities, they’ve surely secured their spot in hell. I heard a very interesting theory the other day, that went like this; “People say money changes people, but it doesn’t. It reveals them. It shows who they really are.” I find this poignantly true. If you want to see who someone really is, see them with money. If you want to see who someone really is, watch how they treat the staff in restaurants. Watch how they treat beggars and the homeless, how they treat people who can never possibly do anything in return for them. That’s who they are. That’s the real them. Wait until they’ve gotten used to you, then they’ll reveal themselves. The abusive husbands or disrespectful boyfriends. The pretend best friends. The users. The fakes. How a person treats others can reveal so much about them.

To look at things purely externally (but then of course, unquestionably internally) we can just take a look at social media. Oh lordy lordy me, how the rise of the narcisstic is now somehow considered “normal.” Scroll through wechat or Facebook and see just how self obsessed and idiotacally indulgant people are now. “Look me, look at my fabulous life, look at my arse in these gym pants, look at my food, LOOK AT MY FACE!!! LOOK AT IT!! I AM GLOOORIOUS!!!” Every day I watch these make-up smeared morons with faces like shaved babboons, just desperate to take as many selfies as humanly possible. LOOK. AT. MY. FILTERED. FACE. It’s getting beyond ridiculous, I think it’s getting dangerous, Nobody cares what you ate for lunch. Nobody cares about your endless gym photos. Nobody cares about your fucking coffee and cake, because we are all too wrapped up in our own narcissism to give a shit about your ridiculously flitered mug. We know your eyes aren’t that big, we know you’ve got seriously bad skin, and we know you’re way fatter than that. You aren’t fooling anybody except yourselves. But me? I am glorious.

The concept of self perception is something I think we could all do well to spend a little time of reflection on. Stop thinking about who you think you are, and maybe lay your cards on the table. You’re not perfect. Far from it. You do and think some bad stuff sometimes. You do treat people kinda shitty sometimes. (Ever wished death upon someone? I have, bloody hundreds of times.) But then, do you care to work on it? This is what I’ve been asking myself for some time. Do I want to improve the person I am, or am I happy being, what I consider, kind of alright. Not bad. Could be a lot worse. (But then, could also be a lot better…) Life is just a journey, after all, it’s not a destination. The only certain destination is the graveyard. Life is about the 80-year bus journey there, and all the other travelers you’ll meet along the way. And how do you want them to see you? Serious? Kind? Soft? Hard? We are who we are, there are some things we can change, and some things we cannot. You can put a filter over your face, but you cannot filter your soul.

If you’d actually like to do a fun little self perception test, I’ll end this weeks Sunday Scribble with one. For this you’ll need to be able to ask someone who really knows you if the outcome is true or not (it probably is.) I’ve done this several times with groups of adult students, and every time it’s been very enlightening to all involved. This is a real psychology test, regularly used by real psychologists, regarding self perception. You can only do this once, so if you’d like to give it a go, then do this, and don’t read on until you’ve written it down;

Take a piece of paper and a pen, and think of three animals, in the following order;

1. Your favourite animal.

2. An animal you’d like to have as a pet.

3. Your second favourite animal.

As you’re thinking of these, write down several adjectives and reasons as to why you’ve chosen this animal. Maybe you chose dog because they are loyal and smart, or a cat because they are independent and graceful. Go now, write them down.

Ok, done? So what does it all mean? Well, it’s like this;

The first animal reflects how you see yourself.

The second animal reflects how other people actually see you.

And the third animal reflects who, and how, you really are.

Now go ask someone who really knows you, and ask their opinion of you. Now wasn’t that fun :)